Using the Etiquette Edge

We need courtesy and etiquette more than ever because in today's multicultural workplace, you may be working alongside someone who has a different religion, culture or background.

The problem isn't that we are diverse; the problem is that people don't have enough tolerance for each other's differences. You can't have the attitude that your way is the right way or the only way. Even though you may not agree with other people, you have to respect them.

"Etiquette provides the critical 10 percent edge of success. Most people know their product or service. The edge you have over others is your personal savvy - your social skills and etiquette," says Cynthia Grosso, founder of the Charleston School of Protocol and Etiquette Inc. in Charleston, S.C. "Etiquette is more about creating a peaceful environment than it is about knowing which fork to use. There's a peace that comes when you treat people well."

Ms. Grosso offers the following strategies for professional etiquette.

Lack of etiquette is a distraction

Many people don't get to demonstrate their strengths because other people are distracted by their lack of social skills.

For example, if you tend to blurt out comments instead of stopping to think before you speak, you may be thought of as impulsive and you may not be considered for a promotion.

If you don't know the proper way to dine, your boss may deny you the opportunity to take an important customer to lunch.

"People do business with you because they like you and trust you," says Ms. Grosso. "Etiquette creates the consistent behavior that builds the trust you need for success."

Etiquette is an attitude

Etiquette is about how you present yourself. Your actions are reflections of an attitude of respect for the people around you. For example, saying "thank you" comes from an attitude of gratitude.

Three important strategies

The following may not be what you think of as etiquette, but they're big factors in attracting others and building trust. The good news is that these three important strategies are easy to learn.

1. Put a smile in your voice. "Tone of voice is the number one way we show respect for others. A smile will actually change your tone of voice, giving it a more pleasant and persuasive tone," says Ms. Grosso. To put a smile in your voice, simply put a slight smile on your face.

2. Use people's names. When people hear the sound of their own names, they feel valued and special. When you're talking with someone, say the person's name. For instance, instead of just saying, "Thank you," say, "Thank you, Jim."

3. Learn to listen. One of the most respectful things you can do, and also one of the most difficult, is to listen to others. You may be itching to speak and voice your opinion, so it may be hard to restrain yourself and listen attentively to someone else.

"However, there's more power in listening than there is in speaking," says Ms. Grosso. "If I listen to what you say, all I need to address are the issues important to you. If I am talking the whole time, I don't learn what's important to you."

Other etiquette strategies

There are many other ways you can show your attitude of respect to others: a firm handshake, a show of appreciation, relating to others with compassion and courtesy.

"If you remember to respect others and act in a way that will make the atmosphere more peaceful, you'll have the etiquette edge that leads to success," says Ms. Grosso.